I'll Be Good.

Geek can look alright sometimes.

Enjoy!

Bisou

-Fréd

Inspiration

What does one do when one is caught at a standstill? When what seems like nothing, or no one can inspire you?

My friends have observed that I am a thinker. I think think think, all the time, but yet don't we all?

Today was a bummy, snowy, cold, new york day. And I felt that way. Bummy, snowy, cold, bland, boring, blaa. Everything has become so routine to me. Wake up, write, go to class, practice, go to class, practice, go to sleep (oh. and throw in a meal in the mix).

But today's work, today's product, my writings, my playing, is nothing but dull, uninspired junk. Even this stupid post--UGH-- is coming out stupid.

I need another source of inspiration. Something crazy and wild to think about to get me out of this slump.

Hmm, what is the moral Fred? There is always a moral.

The moral is that if you don't want to experience a day like today, make sure to switch up what you do. Go see an awesome performance, read some good literature, do something, SOMETHING you haven't done yet. Or you'll be stuck in a rut. Even in good ole new york new york.

Routine is easy, paving your own way is hard.

Something to possibly inspire you.

But probably not.

bisou

Fréd.

Imagine all the People...

Lately, I have often caught myself dazing off, daydreaming into a new world, a new place where everything is exactly the way I want it to be. I'm not sure what has brought this up, whether it be the stress of university life, or other personal issues, but I just find myself automatically escaping to this new world. It's always perfect. I have all the clothes I could ever want, shoes, necklaces, accessories, a job working for the NYTimes, or CNN while studying Journalism in grad school. A dog. (Arnold). A charmingly small apartment in the West Village, a boyfriend, etc.

This world seems to be all I see, all I think about. I'm becoming obsessed with this dream; it clouds out all of the pressing issues that I have to deal with now. Right now.

It hangs over me, like something I jump to grab, but miss by almost nothing. But each time my feet hit the ground again, I know that if I put just a little bit more spring into my step, I'll reach it. I'll reach it I tell ya, I'll reach it.

Jump jump jump. I can never grasp it.

But it surrounds me. It clouds me in. It's my happy place. It's my go to place. It's my place.

I've realized that I live in my imagination.

I think I'm going crazy.

Maybe it's being home for vacation.

Next semester, I'll land my feet back on the ground. My sorry brown flats will hit a concrete sidewalk block in NYC. I'll be grounded. And focused. And then one day my silly daydream might become a reality.

"With a whole bunch of real life complications of course," she says as she shrugs her shoulders to herself.

BISOU

Fréd

I've Missed You All.

Who is left to read my silly thoughts?

Well if you still are, I am sure that you will be somewhat pleased to know that I am back.

I do this because I have an interest in writing, and expressing myself through words.

Whatever.

Here we are. Once again.

My name is Fréd. And this is ohfred. :)

BISOU

people are just people

I have learned something very interesting about myself throughout the past few weeks. I am scared of people. This may sound odd to those who actually know me as a person, as many would probably describe me as an outgoing and loud individual. Yet, despite these characteristics that those who know me have placed upon me (and my reputation), many do not know that I am simply afraid of people. I am finding myself to be more and more afraid of asking for help, because I'm afraid that my questions will make it appear as though I have learned nothing. Or asking people for favors, in fear of being too reliant on other people in a world that teaches you to rely on yourself. Or sometimes, I just get plain intimidated of someone stemming from a constant fear of their reaction to me.

It was one day, after school, waiting for my mother to pick me up, when my sister and I both heard a familiar song being played and sung in the other room. We ran from the doors we stand near, to the chorus room where a mutual friend was singing (and playing) Samson by Regina Spektor. We sat and listened with eager attention as we sang to ourselves (in our own heads of course) the lines of the song. After this was done, Mr. Mutual friend started to play/sing another Regina Spektor song, The Ghost of Corporate future. Being as I had never heard this song, the lyrics, instead of resonating like they did with "Samson", became a spiral of words, letters, and meanings all jumbled up as I started to day dream. When all of the sudden, I heard the line, "People are just people".

"People are just people"

I think that is fabulous. It is amazing. And it is true. (At least, it applies to my life...) I know that I've been scared of someone's reaction when I ask a question, or when I ask for help, or ask for a favor. But what I didn't realize was the point of view from the other end. An amazing thing about humanity is our ability to sympathize. To understand each other. To relate to each other and reach out to each other and help each other. My fear of people didn't turn out to be a fear, but instead more of a lack of understanding and recognizing the fact that everyone has their own issues and problems.

People are often scared to ask questions, not because they may be necessarily "stupid questions, but instead because a question can reveal more about someone than almost anything else.

I am done rambling..

BISOU

Fréd

English Project

For my english project, I wanted to do something that had to do with what I am interested, which is fashion, and the way that people dress themselves and compose their outfits. Since women are stereotypically those who care most about fashion, I found it easier to find examples of women that represent the stylistic evolution that occurs throughout the ages of women from infancy to adulthood. These collages were created to represent the influence that both society and surroundings have upon people, as in Joseph Conrad's Heard of Darkness.
The collage of the adult female reflects the influence of Western Civilization in Europe. Looking at each outfit, it is clear to see that each one is different, often complicated with many different pieces and accessories. Each woman pictured has a different hair style, and different makeup on to represent their individuality. Just as many fashionistas would consider these women to be the ideal stylish individual, much of western society considered the industrialized western culture to be dominant, and the ideal that every culture must strive for. The colonization of Africa, Asia, and South America by various European nations was the result of this dominance. And by looking at the clothing of the women's outfits, and then comparing certain aspects of this clothing to those in the following collages, it can be seen that the same way that the dominant culture had imposed its ways upon Africa, Asia, and South America is the same way that younger and younger children are being made to resemble adults as reflected by their clothing.

The adolescent female represents a middle ground between the intricate and complicated Western society and the more simplistic culture of Africa. While there is a focus on accessorizing with scarves, bags, jewelry, hairpieces, etc, there is also this youth that emerges from all the clothing with the different colors and fun prints in the clothing. In terms of Heart of Darkness, this transitional stage between the dominant Western culture, and the minority African culture can be represented by those native Africans who had become "civilized" (according to western standards) and worked on the side of the European leaders who were running the operations along the Congo River.

Finally we have the children/infant outfits. These outfits are very very simplistic in form and (for the most part) in color. With the exception of the child in the leopard printed coat, (which I will discuss later) these children tend to have more simplistic clothing, represented in both the fit and shape of the clothing. The infant one pieces represent the ultimate pureness of an African society not touched by western influence. However, as the children grow from infants to toddlers, to children, the outfits tend to become more complicated. And even at the age of a child, children are encouraged to wear mild accessories such as inexpensive jewelery and sparkley shoes and belts. Brighter colors begin to appear representing a beginning influence on how the clothing of grown women is channelled through to clothing for younger children. The image of the young child in the coat, I found, was an image that represented how society's influence can sometimes cause too much of a rapid change in individuals. The coat is more complicated than it needs to be for this child representing what can happen (and eventually did happen to the minority African culture after the dominant Western culture came around).

Au Cinema

Why can't life be easier? Simpler? Life the movies??

The thing that I love most about movies, is that in the midst of all of your problems, they can take you away, to a different place where things are exactly as you secretly wish they could be. You identify with different characters in strange ways, allowing you to become involved in the plot, the storyline, and the events. You get so wrapped up in it that for two hours, for one hundred and twenty small minutes, you completely transform into someone else.

That someone is sometimes completely perfect, the ideal character with the ideal personality and ideal traits that you want to have as well.

That someone is also sometimes, not so perfect. They have a flaw, that brings them down, or some trait that proves that maybe life in the movies isn't so perfect. Maybe it isn't so far from reality.

And yet, how many times do I fall in love with the boys, the romantic, sweet, sensitive, caring men that the protagonist seems to fall in love with in the end. You watch the preview and dream to be that person, but during the movie, you are that person. A beautiful actor is falling in love with your character, falling in love with you.

And you, the protagonist, are running around chasing your dreams, or chasing what the writer meant for you to chase. chasing a friend, a long lost lover, a secret, a memory, another car...whatever.

And the the credits roll. And you sigh. Smile to yourself, and walk out. The movie is over.

But is it?

The experience is over, sure. You know what happens at the end. you know how this situation plays out, how the story resolves. But at the same time, a really good film with stay with you long after it is finished. A really good film will be engraved in your memory as if those two hours were actually part of your life.

And everything seems justified. Generally, anyways. The good end up with the good, and the bad get punished by the plot. The writer. The writer is like God who controls all, and teaches us lessons.

And you continue on with your life, bright-eyed and hopeful for a movie romance, or the perfect friendship, or...or...the perfect resolution to every problem you're in the midst of experiencing.

And then, slowly, reality starts to set back in. The phone rings, you hear your siblings start to argue, you remember that you've never been kissed. And that boys like that don't seem to exist in real life, at least not in your life. And your neighbor's dog barks. And you still have a huge project due the next day. And that dress you've been saving up for for weeks just went out of stock online. And there's nothing good on your ipod. And nothing good in your closet. And nothing good in the refrigerator.

And then you frantically try to put yourself back in that movie-like situation. But the memory isn't as strong as before. But nonetheless, it is still there. Bits and snippits taht you can refer to, only if you need it though.

And thus, movies for me, are seen as a distraction from the real world. An alternate reality where I can test my character and peice together an ideal situation. Oh if only they were real...

BISOU.

Fréd.

PS. I know the grammar isn't great, and the word choice isn't great, and it may be somewhat incohesive (is that a word?). But I sat and wrote everything that came out of my mind, and I edited nothing.

This is a raw look into my head.

december twenty third

i feel like i should just post photos. enjoy!

BISOU

Fréd

i'm thankful for youu

Hey, sorry I haven't written for a while. But again, like anyone actually reads this. I've been so stressed with college applications and whatnot...

Anyways, every year, we always have Thanksgiving at our house. We've had years where basically nobody comes over, we've had years where just my grandparents came over, but this year we had a ton of people. And we made a ton of food. And everything was really good. The food, the company, everything. It's just weird, because up to now I have been stressed out of my mind, making mental notes left and right, sticking sticky notes everywhere with reminders about things, making lists, working on college essays and supplements, dealing with the busy social happenings at school, etc. But today, I was disconnected from all of that. I didn't go on facebook at all, or online at all. I just talked and laughed and joked with these people I call my family. My aunts, my uncle, my cousin, my grandparents, everyone. And it made me remember why I really love thanksgiving. It's because thanksgiving is a holiday where people come together and appreciate what they have, even if they don't have much. There is no materialistic emphasis on the holiday, like there is for Christmas, and everyone comes together. I just love it. My aunt was running around serving everyone heaps of stuffing, and I got to carve the turkey :) and my sister and my dad have been cooking all day, and then my little brother and cousin shared a turkey leg and only ate a teeny bit, (this has happened 2 years in a row now...).

I'm just grateful for the people I have the chance to be close to. Those that I call my family, and my true best friends. I could make it shorter by saying that I'm grateful for the close relationships I have with these amazing people. Yeah, I think I'll leave it at that.

Joyeux Zahhnksgeeveeeng!

(As my family would say)

BISOU

Fréd

ps. That picture is one of my sister and I. Considering that we never get along, its a pretty amazing shot. So think about that before you judge its myspace-esque look.

YES. WE. DID.

This is probably one of the only times where I will not use an original picture. Because unfortunately, I don't have one. (http://campaignwindow.com/georgiastudentsforbarackobama/uploads/georgiastudentsforbarackobama/060922_BarackObama_Xtrawide.jpg)
I cannot believe it. This day that so many people felt would never come has finally come! Barack Obama has been elected as the 44th president of the United States. I am looking forward to the new direction that he will take this country. Ugh, I just can't believe it. When those polls closed at 11:00 pm est, I couldn't believe my eyes. Sure, the polls had been suggesting it for a while now, but polls are always just polls. This is real. It's real! 

Also, I must say, as a black individual, I know that this is a very historic event for all of the African Americans throughout this country. It's somewhat funny to see the generation gap between my grandmother and my mother, and the gap between my mother and I. Back when Obama first announced his candidacy for president, my grandmother was very skeptical that he would get very far. My mother thought it could happen, though it was unlikely. And I remember sitting there looking at my mom while she talked on the phone to my grandmother with my jaw wide open screaming, "Why the hell not?". I admire Obama, not because our skin colors match, but instead because of his amazing sense of what is important to the people he will be representing. At the same time though, for the first time, I started to really understand what it means for America to have a black president. We've gone into a new age! We've finally gone past a lot of the hatred and tensions between the different people that create the America we live in! We've made it! I understand that this doesn't mean that all tensions are officially dissolved, but this is a huge huge HUUGEE step towards the "ideal" America that we've always learned about in elementary school, with our patriotic songs and poems. It is these moments that make me proud to be an American. When so many people can come together, and consider something like race to be insignificant. And instead really focus on the issues at hand. I am just so happy.

I wish this were all more eloquently written, but considering the fact that I am completely speechless, I think I've said enough.

  YES WE CAN has now become YES WE DID

Congratulations to Barack Obama

& Congratulations to the United States of America.

BISOUBISOUBISOU!!!!!

Fréd

4 nov 08

I am so excited for tomorrow! A tense season full of political drama will conclude tomorrow when the polls close. And what a political season it was! The constant excitement, and twists and turns of politics seemed that much more exciting this time around. I'm so jealous, because I am not yet old enough to vote, but many of my friends are able to. Oh well. 

Tomorrow, you'll likely find me on the couch, with my mom. Drinking tea, eating scones, and popcorn, in front of the TV on CNN or something like that. I may not be able to vote, but this season has been so exciting that I must must must see how it ends. 

I won't tell you how to vote, because again, I don't want to impose my views upon you...(though I could, couldn't I...I mean, it's my blog right?). But instead i'll leave you with this picture.

I bet that you can interpret my optimistic  hopes for the future from it. 

BISOU

Fréd

my artsy fartsy halloween.

Halloween was fun. And since I wanted to document my day through photography, here are some of my favorite pictures from the day.

The cupcakes were from the night before. We made them for our euro class, but Bethany and Arushi, (who made them with me) got mad because I told them to buy cream cheese frosting. But hey. It's my favorite kind! I also helped with delivering a ton of cans from our NHS can drive to the food pantry in our town. So that explains some other pictures. 

Then there were some halloween parties, but I didn't stay too late because I had SAT II's in the morning. Boo.

Sorry that they're all out of order. Just think of it as an assortment of..fun!

BISOU

Fréd

Looks Like I'm Falling into Adulthood.

Fall is here. The leaves, and the trees, and the cool fall air is just fabulous. Everything is just so inspiring to me. Its so nice to just curl up with a good book with hot chocolate/tea and scones, and just enjoy everything. It's weird because this is going to be my last fall as a kid. My last fall living under the rules of my parents, going to school every morning, doing homework every night. My last fall of being surrounded with those innocent problems that kids have. It's all over. Well almost, I still have another month to enjoy it. But I know that once those snow flakes start to blanket the trees in my backyard, it will all be over. Fall will be done for me. My innocent Fall will be a think of the past, a happy memory to go back to, when I'm older, and have to worry about retirement funds, and bills, and things like that. ("grown up things"). So for now, I'll just enjoy what I have. Savor every minute. Smile at every bright red leaf, hear every branch rustle, listen to every note of the bach d minor chaconne. And i'll enjoy every note, every sound, every pigment of color until it ends. 

So I take pictures to remember the most beautiful fall...ever. 

BISOU

Fréd