Imagine all the People...

Lately, I have often caught myself dazing off, daydreaming into a new world, a new place where everything is exactly the way I want it to be. I'm not sure what has brought this up, whether it be the stress of university life, or other personal issues, but I just find myself automatically escaping to this new world. It's always perfect. I have all the clothes I could ever want, shoes, necklaces, accessories, a job working for the NYTimes, or CNN while studying Journalism in grad school. A dog. (Arnold). A charmingly small apartment in the West Village, a boyfriend, etc.

This world seems to be all I see, all I think about. I'm becoming obsessed with this dream; it clouds out all of the pressing issues that I have to deal with now. Right now.

It hangs over me, like something I jump to grab, but miss by almost nothing. But each time my feet hit the ground again, I know that if I put just a little bit more spring into my step, I'll reach it. I'll reach it I tell ya, I'll reach it.

Jump jump jump. I can never grasp it.

But it surrounds me. It clouds me in. It's my happy place. It's my go to place. It's my place.

I've realized that I live in my imagination.

I think I'm going crazy.

Maybe it's being home for vacation.

Next semester, I'll land my feet back on the ground. My sorry brown flats will hit a concrete sidewalk block in NYC. I'll be grounded. And focused. And then one day my silly daydream might become a reality.

"With a whole bunch of real life complications of course," she says as she shrugs her shoulders to herself.

BISOU

Fréd

I've Missed You All.

Who is left to read my silly thoughts?

Well if you still are, I am sure that you will be somewhat pleased to know that I am back.

I do this because I have an interest in writing, and expressing myself through words.

Whatever.

Here we are. Once again.

My name is Fréd. And this is ohfred. :)

BISOU

people are just people

I have learned something very interesting about myself throughout the past few weeks. I am scared of people. This may sound odd to those who actually know me as a person, as many would probably describe me as an outgoing and loud individual. Yet, despite these characteristics that those who know me have placed upon me (and my reputation), many do not know that I am simply afraid of people. I am finding myself to be more and more afraid of asking for help, because I'm afraid that my questions will make it appear as though I have learned nothing. Or asking people for favors, in fear of being too reliant on other people in a world that teaches you to rely on yourself. Or sometimes, I just get plain intimidated of someone stemming from a constant fear of their reaction to me.

It was one day, after school, waiting for my mother to pick me up, when my sister and I both heard a familiar song being played and sung in the other room. We ran from the doors we stand near, to the chorus room where a mutual friend was singing (and playing) Samson by Regina Spektor. We sat and listened with eager attention as we sang to ourselves (in our own heads of course) the lines of the song. After this was done, Mr. Mutual friend started to play/sing another Regina Spektor song, The Ghost of Corporate future. Being as I had never heard this song, the lyrics, instead of resonating like they did with "Samson", became a spiral of words, letters, and meanings all jumbled up as I started to day dream. When all of the sudden, I heard the line, "People are just people".

"People are just people"

I think that is fabulous. It is amazing. And it is true. (At least, it applies to my life...) I know that I've been scared of someone's reaction when I ask a question, or when I ask for help, or ask for a favor. But what I didn't realize was the point of view from the other end. An amazing thing about humanity is our ability to sympathize. To understand each other. To relate to each other and reach out to each other and help each other. My fear of people didn't turn out to be a fear, but instead more of a lack of understanding and recognizing the fact that everyone has their own issues and problems.

People are often scared to ask questions, not because they may be necessarily "stupid questions, but instead because a question can reveal more about someone than almost anything else.

I am done rambling..

BISOU

Fréd

English Project

For my english project, I wanted to do something that had to do with what I am interested, which is fashion, and the way that people dress themselves and compose their outfits. Since women are stereotypically those who care most about fashion, I found it easier to find examples of women that represent the stylistic evolution that occurs throughout the ages of women from infancy to adulthood. These collages were created to represent the influence that both society and surroundings have upon people, as in Joseph Conrad's Heard of Darkness.
The collage of the adult female reflects the influence of Western Civilization in Europe. Looking at each outfit, it is clear to see that each one is different, often complicated with many different pieces and accessories. Each woman pictured has a different hair style, and different makeup on to represent their individuality. Just as many fashionistas would consider these women to be the ideal stylish individual, much of western society considered the industrialized western culture to be dominant, and the ideal that every culture must strive for. The colonization of Africa, Asia, and South America by various European nations was the result of this dominance. And by looking at the clothing of the women's outfits, and then comparing certain aspects of this clothing to those in the following collages, it can be seen that the same way that the dominant culture had imposed its ways upon Africa, Asia, and South America is the same way that younger and younger children are being made to resemble adults as reflected by their clothing.

The adolescent female represents a middle ground between the intricate and complicated Western society and the more simplistic culture of Africa. While there is a focus on accessorizing with scarves, bags, jewelry, hairpieces, etc, there is also this youth that emerges from all the clothing with the different colors and fun prints in the clothing. In terms of Heart of Darkness, this transitional stage between the dominant Western culture, and the minority African culture can be represented by those native Africans who had become "civilized" (according to western standards) and worked on the side of the European leaders who were running the operations along the Congo River.

Finally we have the children/infant outfits. These outfits are very very simplistic in form and (for the most part) in color. With the exception of the child in the leopard printed coat, (which I will discuss later) these children tend to have more simplistic clothing, represented in both the fit and shape of the clothing. The infant one pieces represent the ultimate pureness of an African society not touched by western influence. However, as the children grow from infants to toddlers, to children, the outfits tend to become more complicated. And even at the age of a child, children are encouraged to wear mild accessories such as inexpensive jewelery and sparkley shoes and belts. Brighter colors begin to appear representing a beginning influence on how the clothing of grown women is channelled through to clothing for younger children. The image of the young child in the coat, I found, was an image that represented how society's influence can sometimes cause too much of a rapid change in individuals. The coat is more complicated than it needs to be for this child representing what can happen (and eventually did happen to the minority African culture after the dominant Western culture came around).

Au Cinema

Why can't life be easier? Simpler? Life the movies??

The thing that I love most about movies, is that in the midst of all of your problems, they can take you away, to a different place where things are exactly as you secretly wish they could be. You identify with different characters in strange ways, allowing you to become involved in the plot, the storyline, and the events. You get so wrapped up in it that for two hours, for one hundred and twenty small minutes, you completely transform into someone else.

That someone is sometimes completely perfect, the ideal character with the ideal personality and ideal traits that you want to have as well.

That someone is also sometimes, not so perfect. They have a flaw, that brings them down, or some trait that proves that maybe life in the movies isn't so perfect. Maybe it isn't so far from reality.

And yet, how many times do I fall in love with the boys, the romantic, sweet, sensitive, caring men that the protagonist seems to fall in love with in the end. You watch the preview and dream to be that person, but during the movie, you are that person. A beautiful actor is falling in love with your character, falling in love with you.

And you, the protagonist, are running around chasing your dreams, or chasing what the writer meant for you to chase. chasing a friend, a long lost lover, a secret, a memory, another car...whatever.

And the the credits roll. And you sigh. Smile to yourself, and walk out. The movie is over.

But is it?

The experience is over, sure. You know what happens at the end. you know how this situation plays out, how the story resolves. But at the same time, a really good film with stay with you long after it is finished. A really good film will be engraved in your memory as if those two hours were actually part of your life.

And everything seems justified. Generally, anyways. The good end up with the good, and the bad get punished by the plot. The writer. The writer is like God who controls all, and teaches us lessons.

And you continue on with your life, bright-eyed and hopeful for a movie romance, or the perfect friendship, or...or...the perfect resolution to every problem you're in the midst of experiencing.

And then, slowly, reality starts to set back in. The phone rings, you hear your siblings start to argue, you remember that you've never been kissed. And that boys like that don't seem to exist in real life, at least not in your life. And your neighbor's dog barks. And you still have a huge project due the next day. And that dress you've been saving up for for weeks just went out of stock online. And there's nothing good on your ipod. And nothing good in your closet. And nothing good in the refrigerator.

And then you frantically try to put yourself back in that movie-like situation. But the memory isn't as strong as before. But nonetheless, it is still there. Bits and snippits taht you can refer to, only if you need it though.

And thus, movies for me, are seen as a distraction from the real world. An alternate reality where I can test my character and peice together an ideal situation. Oh if only they were real...

BISOU.

Fréd.

PS. I know the grammar isn't great, and the word choice isn't great, and it may be somewhat incohesive (is that a word?). But I sat and wrote everything that came out of my mind, and I edited nothing.

This is a raw look into my head.